Separate Verses on Everyday Living

Someone throws a word up in the air
And you run behind it and catch it.
Sometimes someone whispers words
That you engrave into the tabletop
Over which you sit and wring your hands and
Think of the incision on the wood
And how much you regret having made it.

Occasionally you wash your face with cold water
And most of the time it is an act you decided you wanted to do
Cold water dousing any semblance of fire
Cold water abetting cold water
Cold water that was cold water in you.

You have this strange collection of flowers
Flower names you learnt out of a book and
Flowers you collected and stored with a passion
That no one ever would ever understand
Because preserving flowers
Amounts to withering away.

Sometimes you pull out words from a conversation
And draw threads from the words
And stitch a blanket for yourself.
Sometimes you shiver despite the blanket.

Occasionally you sit on the window seat
And press your nose against the pane and breathe
Slow, shallow gasps of air
And you watch the colours of the world outside spilling over
Each other
And you think how real your skin feels and how you find assignments that begin with 'Imagine you are a ...'
Hilarious.
You draw a smiley face on the cloud of air you made solid.
By the time you get off the bus
The smile fades.

Once in a while you switch from channel to channel
Swipe your timeline up and down
Open and shut your refrigerator door
Watch porn, finger yourself, and fall asleep.
You look for a reason.
A word.
Sometimes you find it.
Most of the times, you don't.
So you get another word to tattoo in your veins:
Ritual.

Sometimes you sit at an empty bus stop and watch the buses go by
Once in a while, the bus stops
And goes when you shake your head.
It isn't like I will run away, you tell yourself.
It's just the principle of wanting to.

Everyday, you reserve an hour for mourning.
You turn off the lights
Because you know displaying feeling and confronting them isn't the same
And you're trying to muster enough courage for one.
Everyday, you spend an hour crying
Over the things you knew
Over the things you wish you knew
Over all the things you do.