'What does one want in any body but the world?'
The other day,
I drove to the pond we grew up near.
I don't know how to drive
And the distance will always be too much or too little
For a drive,
But that day, I drove.
It was quiet, it always is.
When I say quiet, I don't mean silence, I don't mean peace,
I mean the stillness we knew to be palpable
To be so delicate that even whispering it would be
Acknowledging it
And acknowledging it would mean
Destroying
The silence which was truly that.
It's a safe space, not because it offers comfort,
But because it doesn't offer danger.
*
In the recent past, I've learnt that.
I've learnt that how are you is a question spilling over with potential
And doesn't necessarily formally inquire after your emotional state
I've learnt We exist in the spaces we create
Between our individual selves
And we can't breathe when we talk because
You can accept either the words or the air that existed in a body.
I'd rather take the air because there is something you can't control
And swerve and veer and stop and slam the door on
And there is no safety valve, no fire escape, no water to swallow pills
No first aid no punctuation no rehearsal
No moments of indecision over conversations and situations you handpicked
And stitched together in a patchwork of
Bad sentences, bad beginnings, terrible conclusions, a body that
I completely ignored because of the ringing in my ears.
No, I'd rather take your heavy breathing into my mouth
And your heavy breathing when you slam the door
And believe that both of them is love.
*
The other day,
I drove into the pond we grew up near.
Because I don't know how to drive
Because the distance will always be too much or too little
For a drive,
So that day, I drove.
It was quiet, it always is.
When I say quiet, I don't mean silence, I don't mean peace,
I mean the stillness we knew to be palpable
To be so delicate that even whispering it would be
Acknowledging it
And acknowledging it would mean
Destroying
The silence which was truly that.
It's a safe space, not because it offers comfort,
But because it doesn't offer danger.
'Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real?'
The other day,
I drove to the pond we grew up near.
I don't know how to drive
And the distance will always be too much or too little
For a drive,
But that day, I drove.
It was quiet, it always is.
When I say quiet, I don't mean silence, I don't mean peace,
I mean the stillness we knew to be palpable
To be so delicate that even whispering it would be
Acknowledging it
And acknowledging it would mean
Destroying
The silence which was truly that.
It's a safe space, not because it offers comfort,
But because it doesn't offer danger.
*
In the recent past, I've learnt that.
I've learnt that how are you is a question spilling over with potential
And doesn't necessarily formally inquire after your emotional state
I've learnt We exist in the spaces we create
Between our individual selves
And we can't breathe when we talk because
You can accept either the words or the air that existed in a body.
I'd rather take the air because there is something you can't control
And swerve and veer and stop and slam the door on
And there is no safety valve, no fire escape, no water to swallow pills
No first aid no punctuation no rehearsal
No moments of indecision over conversations and situations you handpicked
And stitched together in a patchwork of
Bad sentences, bad beginnings, terrible conclusions, a body that
I completely ignored because of the ringing in my ears.
No, I'd rather take your heavy breathing into my mouth
And your heavy breathing when you slam the door
And believe that both of them is love.
*
The other day,
I drove into the pond we grew up near.
Because I don't know how to drive
Because the distance will always be too much or too little
For a drive,
So that day, I drove.
It was quiet, it always is.
When I say quiet, I don't mean silence, I don't mean peace,
I mean the stillness we knew to be palpable
To be so delicate that even whispering it would be
Acknowledging it
And acknowledging it would mean
Destroying
The silence which was truly that.
It's a safe space, not because it offers comfort,
But because it doesn't offer danger.
'Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real?'
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